Six.

 

Today is finally June first! YAYAYAYAYA. That means summer, sunshine, and obviously my birthday is in 9 days. The first of every month always has me reminiscing about what I've accomplished in the past month.  After reading this post on one my favorite tumblr girls' blog, I really got to thinking about the past six months. Yikes. 

December 1st. Trey had just left like a week prior for Ohio for what I anticipated to be a few months working for his dad. Ironically, Trey just got back to Arizona last week. I had yet to start school and was reveling in the excitement of my cousin's impending wedding. Besides physically being completely different, I am emotionally and mentally a different person. In the past six months, I've seen that life isn't black and white, it's more grayish tints than anything. I've often regarded myself as a romantic, very hopeful, and constantly believing that there's window opening to every door closing. 

It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows in six months. I experienced the distance between me and Trey, dealing with that heart break, the death of my uncle after a battle with cancer, struggles at school, and just all around confusion and doubt. Thank goodness for my family and the very best friends a girl could ask for. I don't think I could have coped without them. I'm stronger today because and in spite of them. Six months ago I couldn't see past December and those struggles and the bad days made the light at the end of the tunnel seem further and further away. I stand today, June 1st, almost 20, stronger than I've ever been. I've been let down, disappointed, and betrayed more times than I can count on my fingers and toes, but that's why I'm standing so tall right now.

I have no idea what God has in store for me in the next six months. I don't know what trials or what blessings are waiting for me. I have my trust fully in Him because His faithfulness has kept me going more than anything or anyone through the most where I couldn't see beyond the cloudy tears in my eyes. Deuces to the first half of 2011, I'm done with you. Here's to the next half, to summer, and to June. May it be the best it can be.

Dandelions and Difficulties.

Please give me motivation to blog because I have none. I've strayed from the beaten path and I have no clue what direction to go with B&B anymore. I think it makes it even harder because I'm totally frustrated with what should be called my social life, or lack thereof and my relationships. I wish it was easier. I wish wish wish, but it's not. I've been using books as my escape from reality because other than badminton and work, I'm really lacking in a life. It sucks, but there's like no way out of it, so I've been diving deeper and deeper into my current read: Jenna Jameson's autobiography, "How to Make Love like a Porn Star." It's actually super fascinating and I highly recommend it.

I'm really trying so hard not to vent on here, but my head and heart are totally swirling in a bad way. I just feel so alone and I hate crying so much these days and I've been actually able to hold it in, but I totally cried in front of my girls today. It was embarrassing because I was trying to be strong for them when us as a team were weak and I fell apart during my pep talk, so peppy right? 

But anyways, I don't know what to do for the rest of the night. More reading I suppose? I totally bought new perfume today thanks to Sunday Morning Sugar's Malori for the suggestion on her blog and while browsing for hours on what scent to get from CB I Hate Perfume (I got In the Library & Wildflower Honey!), I stumbled upon this quote on dandelions that totally relates to me. 

"I love them because they are beautiful.  Their fierce yellow is so cheery and unashamed sprinkled across a green lawn.  This simple beauty always gladdens my heart.  Incidentally, some of my favorite works of are are those created by Andy Goldsworthy and are made entirely from Dandelions...I love them because they are innocent.  Dandelions can be such fun...These are such brilliant childhood pleasures. I love them because they are fearless.  Dandelions will grow anywhere and will go where they please...I find something inspiring in the courage of a single yellow adventurous head sprouting from the cracked concrete. I love them because they are resilient.  Dandelions survive the harshest conditions.  Beat them, burn them, poison them, rip them out by the roots - these flowers will return."

I've been a dandelion my whole life. I've seen it more this past year, summer, month, than I would have cared to, but that's okay. Dandelion is me. They're beautiful and give people hope for wishes to come true and who wouldn't want that?

Keep following and keep loving each day.

- D