Letting go.

This post has been mentally in the making for weeks, maybe even months. I know my blog is definitely not a super personal place for me anymore, but sometimes, like now I need to vent. I've allowed my life to revolve around one singular event, one night, a few words I never wanted to hear, for the past six months.

I wish I didn't keep going back to that night and replaying the days and weeks prior. I've been trying to put the pieces together and see the signs. I can't and it's so hard for me. It's also made it difficult for me to move on and grow from it. I'm probably the queen of what if's. Every situation has about a million applicable what if's and this one probably has about five billion or so. I've sat around, wishing and waiting because seriously, what if he changed his mind.

I don't like messy things. I like nice, neat endings tied up in a pretty bow. This was the furthest thing from it. We left it in a weird place. He was my best friend. He knew everything about me. My flaws, my dreams, my family, my weird quirks. We talked everyday and then that became less frequent especially after he moved. It became a secret thing like nobody could know we were still close. It didn't bother me at first, but eventually it ate away at me. I analyzed every word he posted on facebook or twitter and especially when he wouldn't reply to texts. He still said I love you, but it became clear that is was solely out of habit and that hurt. I spent way too many days, afternoons, nights just crying.

I fell apart, but in the past week, I've started to put the pieces of me back together. I stopped over analyzing, I stopped checking facebook, I stopped thinking about the what if's. I can't tie up the loose ends or make it easy and simple. It never will be, so I'm leaving it at that. I'm better off. I can breathe and I will move on and I am letting go. 

The End of a Journey

Honestly, I didn't think I'd be writing this on Sunday. I thought I'd be gone for a few more days. But I just broke down, logged on, and started typing. My blog has always been first and foremost: a place where I can escape and vent. That started way back in 7th grade on Livejournal. Those entries are embarrassing, the 8th & 9th grade ones were not much better though.

This is going to be a big mush of feelings and ideas in one place so be prepared. Last week, my Uncle, after fighting 9 grueling months against stage 4 colon cancer, past away. It happened much faster than we anticipated. I have to say before I talk about the bad feelings that I am insanely blessed to be surrounded the strongest people that I'm so lucky to call my family. I know they've kept me from falling to pieces these past few months and this will be no different. Despite the tears and broken hearts, we were able to sit around the table the next morning talking about really good things thanks to our firm foundation in what God is doing in all of our lives. His services will be Monday and Tuesday, which my aunt accommodated for me to start school. (If that isn't support, I don't know what is.) It's been really rough to say the least. The people I expected to comfort me, just aren't here and that has been hard, but it's life.  You make do and it's in these moments you truly learn who loves you at your weakest.


“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”- Nicholas Sparks

Yesterday I had my final orientation at Le Cordon Bleu and I picked up my uniform, books, and schedule. It was truly hitting me. After a long time, almost a year, I'm finally going back to school and doing something I want to do. Last night, I read ahead in all my textbooks, planned out my schedule in my planner, wrote my classes in my notebooks, and put together all of my pens and binders! It was insanely exciting. I can't believe it's tomorrow...I didn't think it would ever come.

But in the midst of the excitement, I wish you were sharing it with me. I know these are my dreams and you only gave me the push and support I needed. It only makes me further believe that we're Rachel and Finn on Glee. (yes, I do make Glee relationship comparisons frequently). So for now, I will venture on this journey alone and it will be enough for me. But when you're ready, so am I.

This post is mostly for me. So later on, I'll be posting a recipe!! :) Thanks for sticking by me, loves.

Taking some time off.

This will be definitely be a picture heavy post because words will not suffice right now, nor should they. I will not be updating for an indefinite amount of time. I do not have any posts scheduled or anything. I will be spending time with my family right now. Prayers and good thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you loves.

"When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”  - John 11:4

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

Searching for a New Beginning.

(Me, a year ago)

I think for over a year I've been looking for a fresh start and I'm finally getting it. Everyday I get small reminders of how much I've needed a change: a fight with someone familiar, seeing people from high school at restaurants, or a wonderfully rude anonymous question on my Formspring that has barely been active for months. I've been living in a semi unhealthy environment of Netflix, working from home, wallowing in loneliness, and constantly wishing to be somewhere else.

On Saturday, I pulled into a parking lot of LCB, the place where I would spend so much time over the next year and a half. I stepped into a room of people who didn't know who I dated, didn't know who my best friends used to be or how I spend my Saturday nights, they didn't even know my name, and it was surprisingly the most freeing feeling. My stomach was doing flips nonetheless. My shyness quickly takes hold and I find it difficult to meet people, to introduce myself, but this was my fresh start. They didn't know I was shy. I struck up conversations with people I didn't even know. This was their were first impression of me. There wasn't a history or a standard to live up to.

On Saturday, the finality will set in when I go for my final orientation and meet the rest of the people I will be spending the next year and a half with. It's the new beginning I've been dreaming of. I'm finally going after what is best for ME, not my mom, or dad, or a boy or a best friend, for me. 6 days and a new chapter will be opened finally and I can start over.

(all pictures from weheartit.com)

 (Me, now)

If you're not satisfied, don't wait. Change what you can to make yourself happy. It is better to live a life of, "Oh wells," than, "What ifs." Have a good Tuesday loves. 

Organization at it's finest!

Sometimes things in my life, my room, my email inbox get so chaotic that I come close to absolutely snapping. That was this week. I was reminiscing back to July when I decided to quit and thinking about what I've accomplished since then. Yes, I've gotten so far with my baking, HSH, working, relationships, and school, but my life might be even more unorganized now. I definitely knew I had to do something about it.

These tricks and tips aren't just limited to the clean freaks, because I'm far from that. I'd rather put something down when it could easily just be put away in that moment, I let my makeup counter get covered in powder before I clean it off, and my dirty clothes rarely make it into the hamper. My life is in disarray clearly. Thankfully I found this website via Tumblr and just reading this page has been eye opening in how to organize the chaos: Zen Habits.

1. Taking it one step, one area at a time instead of overwhelming myself. 

• My bedroom. (the set up of the bed, desk, bookcase etc.)
• My bathroom cabinets. (beauty products, hair products, and toiletries in their right place.)
• My makeup collection. (eyes, lips, face, nails)
• My jewelry and headband collection.
• My dresser. 
2. Giving things their prospective "place." This is heavily emphasized by Zen Habits because it helps you to avoid the random placement of items if you know where they belong. 


• Important to my cords and my makeup.
• Check out this cool idea from the College Prep about what to do about hanging loose cords.
3. Having boxes and trash bags READILY available.  This step is one of the most cleansing for me. I'm able to get rid of the trash I know I don't/won't need and I can put things I would like to save in boxes in my garage, so they're not cluttering my room and creating junk drawers. (I HAD 5!!)
4. Get a wonderful planner, calendar, notebook, or place to readily jot down important things. This was by far my favorite part!
 


• Planner: for school, events, birthdays, appointments etc. 
• Calendar: events, reminders, birthdays readily available in your room or online (a visible place!!).
• Notebook: to-do lists!! (I'm totally crazy about them, even before this. There's something so great about crossing things off a list!)
• Post it Notes (Stickies) - For the quick note or reminder!!!!
5. Create or revise a filing system!


• I used a plastic carrying case from Staples and filled it with labeled patterned folders for various items.
• So crucial for keeping important school statements, tax/job statements, previous study guides to tests (great for midterms/finals!!), etc.
• Everything in one place, but still separate and organized maybe by date or subject inside!

 This was by far one of my most fun posts for me anyway because I'm not sitting in a room that is clean and way LESS cluttered and it's just really nice to start a new month like this! (: Let me know how your organization is going and have a good Wednesday, dears. :)  PS. HI ALL YOU NEW FOLLOWERS! Feel free to let me get to know you in the comments! Yay :)

Culinary Conversations.

This is really REALLY freaking exciting for me. Tomorrow, okay in 1 hour, it will FEBRUARY. I don't even know where January went. I really don't know where the time went from October 2nd until this point. In two weeks, I'll be sitting at my computer, blogging about my very first day in culinary school. That is absolutely thrilling. I've waited more than months and months to figure out what I really wanted and now it's here. It's closer than ever.

I'd like to formally announce a very new piece of my blog that will be one of the most fun things I've ever done. It isn't going to be on a specific day or time, just as I see fit. It's called Culinary Conversations. I've already had a lot of questions about how the experience started and I know I will get more, the further I dive into the program. I don't know what I'll talk about and I don't want to limit myself now. This first post is going to be an FAQ and a little glimpse into my preparations for this experience.

Currently, I'm organizing my school supplies (notebooks, pens, and my planner) and preparing for my orientation of sorts on Saturday morning! It's getting so real right now. On Saturday, I will have the opportunity to register for my classes, get sized for my uniform, get my school id, and *fingers crossed* meet people. It's what I assume to be the usual college orientation experience that I already had at ASU, just at a new place that happens to have chef hats!

FAQ's

Q: What school will you be attending?

A: Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts.

Q: What are you studying/what is the program you are in?

A: I will be studying to obtain my Associates in Patisserie and Baking.

Q: How long is the program & when will you graduate?

A: I am starting on February 14th in the 84 week program and I'm set to graduate in November 2012.

Q: How much is tuition?

A: Tuition varies depending upon the program you choose and the length of the program. I would rather not publicly discuss how much I'm paying, but if you email me, I would be happy to answer. 

Q: How did you apply?

A: I applied online at their website and was almost immediately contacted by an amazing admissions representative who has been fabulous through this whole process.

Q: Do your parents/family support you?

A: Yes, my dad has always encouraged me to go this route, but until recently my mom was skeptical and not always supportive of what I wanted. She has since become very involved and excited for me. They've both (in addition to the rest of my family and friends) have embraced the constant treats they receive.

Q: Did you ever doubt going to culinary school or think about not going after all?

A: I'm no stranger to indecision and this wasn't an exception. I was mostly scared about not being good enough or not having enough experience. Not only did my admissions counselor relieve these worries, but Trey has been the biggest supporter and encourager. He's wanted this for me from the beginning. Having someone to confide in and share your worries with has been essential for me. 

If you have any other questions, feel free to send them my way & I'll answer them too! (danielle@realtyrevelation.com) Today I decided to skip Day 11, it was copy and paste one of your most recent im conversations, and I really just didn't want to because #1. my conversations aren't that interesting and usually #2. they're personal.  So here's Day 12.

Day 12: Three things you want to change.

1. No longer be unemployed: I would love to find a retail job or a job in a bakery of sorts. I've been looking like crazy and coming up empty all the time. *Fingers crossed* that something just pops up!
2. Be satisfied with where I am right now: I'd love to say that I'm completely content with everything right now, but that's physically impossible. I'd love to be on my own, but I know that right now living at home is best for me and for my wallet and everything will happen in time.
3. Pray more: I really would like to make this a primary goal. I know that relying on God through the good times and the trials will only strengthen me. :)

Ahhh I'm so excited for tomorrow's post!!! You'll know soon enough I guess ;). Have a good night darlings.

I'm coming back!

Hello loves. I'd like to apologize, again, for my absence. It hasn't been fun for me either. Today, besides working, I will be dedicating my day to cleaning out the cobwebs of this place I used to call home. This post is just a little catch up post of pictures from December really! It was the most exciting month and you'll see why. :) I'll catch ya later kids, I pinky promise!